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“Suffering, Anguish, and Redemption”

Excerpted from Sifted: Diary of a Grieving Mother by Karen Harmening

JUNE 18, 2017

At 2:48 p.m. on June 8, 2017, a twenty-two-second phone call revealed that our lives as a family had been forever altered. Scott, who was driving behind the bus that crashed with our precious Sarah and thirty-seven other members of our church on board, called and said, “Karen, there’s been a horrible wreck, the bus has flipped and Sarah is pinned under it, but if you will pray there is still hope.” 

God in His grace had all three of our other girls home, extremely unusual at that time of day. We immediately dropped to our knees and faces and cried out together to God to spare our precious Sarah, to preserve her life, to supernaturally prevent her from being scared or in pain, and to wrap His arms around her and Scott. 

My parents, who live next door, immediately came over and we all left together. I drove; we went 90 miles per hour most of the way. I suppose it took three to four hours to get there, but I’m certain it will forever be the longest drive of my life. The entire time I sang the song “Even If” by MercyMe, over and over again; initially silently in my head and eventually out loud as, in the absence of updates from Scott, I began to assume what had happened. 

After a couple of hours of driving we hoped Sarah was safely at a hospital, so Katelyn, our oldest daughter, called Scott to get the name of it. He was evasive and said he would send us the address, which he eventually did. When we finally reached the vicinity of the address it was a low-rise industrial park with no hospital in sight. Katelyn called to tell him he must have given us the wrong address, he responded: “It’s not a hospital.” 

I knew then. 

We eventually found the address he had given us, it was an EMS office he had been taken to. As we walked in, everyone who worked there looked away or down. No one spoke it, but I already knew. I finally found Scott in a small office in the back of the building, alone. My heart breaks for him every time I think of him alone there for hours. The look in his eyes required no words, but he spoke them anyway, “she didn’t make it.” 

We as a family wept together for a time, and then turned to the Lord in prayer, begging Him to redeem it in some way. At the time we had no idea what redemption might be or look like, we just knew we were desperate for it, and would continue to be desperate for it in the days ahead. We also prayed for the other students and leaders on the bus, that there would be no more deaths. After we prayed, I told the EMS office workers that we needed Sarah’s backpack from the crash. I knew she had her journal with her and I had an urgency to get it; I was so hopeful God would have something encouraging for us in it. 

I have no concept of time for the day, but after what I assume was a couple of hours they loaded our family in the back of two ambulances to sneak us away from the media frenzy at the EMS office to a church that would be the center for reuniting the other families with their children. We were placed in an upstairs conference room at the church, away from the reuniting families in the sanctuary below.  Eventually, we got word that the bags from the crash site had been delivered to the church, so Katelyn and Sophie went downstairs to search for Sarah’s backpack. When they brought it back, with heavy anticipation I hurriedly found her journal and immediately flipped to the last entry which we quickly discovered was written on the bus that day—moments before the crash. 

God is so gracious. Sarah’s gentle, tender heart was so in tune with Him that I have no doubt she wrote exactly what He gave her as a message of hope for us to hang onto for the remainder of our separation from her. Hope that she was absolutely confident that she was called to this, and hope that God will indeed redeem it and “do incredible things.” 

Sarah’s Last Journal Entry:

Botswana Day 1 –  June 8, 17

I was just sitting here in the bus feeling a little sad. I guess because I am going to be gone so long and I was feeling a little uncomfortable. Then I decided to read my Bible. I prayed and opened up to 1 Peter 5 and 2 Peter 1. Pretty much everything I read applied to me now. It talked about watching over the flock entrusted to you, which would be my little buddies in Botswana, humbling yourself which I will need to do (and that also means being a little uncomfortable), it talked about the devil prowling about like a lion seeking whom he may devour, which he will especially be doing on this mission trip, and how we need to be alert and of sober mind, and lastly how we get to participate in His divine nature! I mean, how awesome is that? So mostly I was just reminded of why I’m here and that God has called me here and He’s done so for a reason. So I know He’s going to do incredible things.

We were all immediately overwhelmed by the journal, what a precious gift. We shared it with the mayor, Red Cross workers, and various other people assisting us. After a short time, I told my family I thought we should share her journal with the media, and Scott agreed. We asked each of the girls if they were okay with that and each wholeheartedly agreed we had to do it. In addition, Katelyn said she felt led to share one of the last text messages Sarah had sent to their cousin, Ariel (forwarded by Ariel after the crash).

Sarah’s text

“For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For, ‘All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever.’” 1 Peter 1:23- 25 NIV 

This is such a great reminder! We are like a wisp of smoke. We are only here a moment. And this is not about us. Life is not about us. It’s about God who is eternal. So I want to dedicate the one moment I’m here completely and entirely to him. 

The media crews were still stationed outside the building we were in, so I asked the mayor to let them know we would like to speak with them. We prayed together asking God to go before us and speak through us that His name may be lifted high through Sarah’s life and testimony—her greatest desire. In so doing, only hours after our precious Sarah’s departure, God began to redeem our suffering and anguish. 

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; (2 Cor. 4:7-9) 

Among other things, Merriam-Webster defines “redeem” as to “offset the bad effect of” or “to make worthwhile.”1 As Christians when we cried out to God to redeem Sarah’s leaving us, we were asking God to be true to His Word, as He always is, in working even this for our good and His glory. Initially one might hope redemption would somehow remove or at least diminish the pain, but I can testify that is not the case. The suffering and anguish persist, but redemption provides a purpose in the pain that enables us to persevere. We can boldly proclaim the truth of His Word together as we so clearly see His hand at work. Each life impacted by Christ through Sarah’s and our testimony serves as redemption.

As we receive testimonies of people coming to Christ through the sharing of Sarah’s testimony we rejoice greatly; there is no greater redemption. Equally impactful, though, are the stories of complacent believers challenged in their faith to pursue Christ as Sarah did, more blessed redemption. 

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:26-28)

In sharing this I must interject that I do not believe God caused the bus to crash. I am fully convinced Satan was the author of the crash, that he intended to sift us and perhaps others on the bus as he did Job in the Book of Job, and Peter in Luke 22. As in both of those situations, I believe our sovereign God allowed it to happen. But I take courage that my precious Jesus, our Great High Priest who lives to intercede for us, was praying for us in advance just as He did for Peter: that our faith would not fail and that our brothers and sisters would be strengthened through Sarah’s and our testimonies. 

For over a year our family has been praying for a holy revival to sweep through our church, community, state, nation, and the ends of the earth. In retrospect, I believe that desire was set in our hearts by God to make the redemption He is providing for the absence of our sweet Sarah all the sweeter. Granting us the desire He set in our hearts beforehand; enabling us to persevere, praise, and worship Him through the suffering and anguish of the valley of the shadow of death. 

If you do not know Sarah’s Jesus, our Jesus, as your personal Savior and Lord, we implore you to seek Him today

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12