About my child:

Jacob was my only child and the absolute joy of my life. He exuded kindness to everyone he encountered. To say I am proud of the young man he grew up to be is an understatement. The thing I am most thankful for is that Jacob knew Jesus as his Savior, so I know I have the assurance of being with him in eternity. Jacob loved traveling, cooking, hanging out with his friends, and playing football. He did well in school, but as he wrote in an essay I found from 3rd grade his favorite part of the day was, “lunch and the end of the day.” During high school football, Jacob suffered from three different concussions. I could see him starting to change, but chalked it up to teenage years. He and I talked about everything as we were so close. I would ask him if he was depressed and he told me no, so I took his word for it. He hid it so well and I had no idea anything about depression. During Jacob’s sophomore year at Auburn, he lost his battle and took his own life. Jacob’s last desperate moment does not define the wonderful person he was. It was just that—an act brought about by desperation when I believe the enemy was in his ear whispering lies to him. I am so thankful that I know where Jacob is and that because of Jesus, I will see him again. I could write page after page about my wonderful boy, but I will leave it at this. 

Scripture that encouraged me:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? If God justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died – more than that, who was raised – who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39

This scripture was and is so encouraging to me because it so clearly says that nothing can separate those who are in Christ from him. Nothing. Not even suicide. Although before this happened to me, I never believed a Christian who took their life went to hell. It is however, so perplexing to me how seemingly intelligent people somehow still believe this antiquated made up theory. I am so thankful I have God’s word to refute this notion.

How I’ve seen God’s faithfulness:

I am closer to God than I have ever been. He has truly held me up when I thought I couldn’t take another step, take another breath even. He gave and continues to give me the strength I need. I have seen my marriage grow stronger through this. He has brought the most precious friends to walk alongside me. Ones who are walking this same road. My eyes are eternally focused now as they should have been from the start. I tell everyone I meet I will gladly talk about Jesus and Jacob. I am bold in my faith more than I ever was before. I want to honor God with the time I have left here. I want to honor Jacob and his story. I know the road is long and wearisome at times, but I am so thankful I know how the story ends.